It's Okay, I Hope You Know That By Now
by MalecIsEverything
Summary: ONE-SHOT This man, this gorgeous cat eyed warlock stole my heart. If he meant to do it or not I'm not sure but nonetheless he did it and now– well now, he could chose to crush it into millions of little glitter particles and toss them back at me or keep it safe for just a while longer...


Author's Note:

This is a short one-shot I wrote a few nights ago while listening to some sad songs on 8tracks .com (Great place for music).

Takes place after COHF but there aren't spoilers… I think except well… Never mind, just enjoy!

_'Almost Is Never Enough, Although It Can Be'_

"Magnus don't you see"– "I can't… I really can't"–

I was struggling to catch my breath it felt as if my rib cage was collapsing in on my lungs making tears well up in my eyes. But I promised myself I wouldn't let them fall. Not now not ever.

"You can't what Alexander? Trust me? Is that it, because if it is you know exactly where the door is!"

I took in Magnus's stance. His back was rigid as a board, his hands balled into fists. The mere idea of risking a glance at his face and looking into his eyes was tearing me apart inside. Who knew what emotions those eyes held for me…

I know I'm too much of a coward to face that look. Shadowhunter or not – it's something I can't bear.

"Magnus… Please– just give me a second, a chance to explain myself." I swallowed, or at least tried to swallow the knot in my throat blocking my voice and signalling my oncoming tears.

Crossing his arms he leaned back on the bar.

"Explain away, go ahead and try to clear your name. Like I've said before ones' actions are to be trusted more than ones' words."

I flinched, that stung deep, as though salt was being rubbed into an open gash over my beating heart that no matter how many times was stitched shut would always come undone.

Looking up I stared, not at him exactly but through him, almost as if he were out of focus. My palms were now drenched in sweat, I ran tem down the front of my jeans all the while taking in a deep shay breath to collect myself.

I began,

"You chose not to talk to me about anything Magnus; Nothing at all! I barely knew anything about you, hell I still don't know much about you in the first place. Can you really blame me for going to her? I was looking for answers, for explanations, anything that would– I don't know placate me in someway that what we hav–had–have is not something– I can't even say it."

My voice was tight but the tears had already started to fall. How more pathetic could I be.

"I know that you–What I did you see as wrong and immoral but if you were in my place wouldn't you have done what I did? How exactly can you expect me to be sure of anything that I feel, want– by the angel even what I desire from you Magnus, when this is all new to me. I know nothing about you yet I still feel this way, if I don't know you how can I even begin to spill my guts to you about them? You know practically everything else about me to you I am but an open book."

This was really beginning to take its toll. My sobbing was getting stronger and the tears were now completely blurring my vision. If Magnus looked understanding I wouldn't know it, but if he doesn't I guess I'll take this as a blessing in disguise.

"Magnus… I–I– I love you. I have fallen in love with you. When that happened or became apparent to me, I'm not exactly sure but how it happened, if you gave me the time I could write you a list as long as a book. So please listen to me: If I hurt you, if you chose to hate me or regret ever meeting me then I understand, but I hope you understand that I will regret my actions that made you feel any of those ways towards me and probably will for the rest of my life. That's why I'm asking you, I will even beg; don't cut me out of your life, give me a second chance even though I know I don't deserve it."

Swallowing the knot that kept resurfacing and blinking away the tears I said what I hoped would make him see that without him, life really has no meaning to me.

"I– I can't live without you."

The tears kept falling; if I became dehydrated I wouldn't even care. They tasted salty and warm against my cheeks. My sobbing was now coming to an end but y breathing was erratic due to it.

This man, this gorgeous cat eyed warlock stole my heart. If he meant to do it or not I'm not sure but nonetheless he did it and now– well now he could chose to crush it to millions of little glitter particles and toss them back at me or, if the angel by some miracle make him see that I truly love him, keep it safe for just a while longer.

Focusing on Magnus now I saw his posture was exactly the same. His eyes showed no remorse or understanding, not a single shred. His walls built up high. So high, I felt myself accepting even if it was killing me on the inside, that even I couldn't possibly climb over them.

"Alexander… You can't expect me to believe all that? What you did was– You had no right Alexander, no right what so ever to go to her of all people! Yes I admit I didn't talk to you about my past whenever you asked but it's not because I don't trust you or anything along those lines, it's just that its to hard for me to face. I'm old, ancient really."

He sighed heavily.

"I have lived so many lived that each and every single one of them intertwines into one another, and some are darker than others. How can you possibly expect me to dump all of that on you and expect you to understand it and not run away form it all? Answer me that."

Some time along the way of his explanation he pushed himself away from the bar and began pacing as if he couldn't sit still as he explained his internal musings. All the while running his hands through his un-styled hair.

Shaking my head I crossed my arms tightly over my chest, the pain getting stronger and stronger, the tightness growing with every passing second. How I am even still standing I'm not sure exactly.

"I didn't expect anything less Magnus. You're a warlock, its pretty obvious your life hasn't been daffodils and rainbows for the past… I don't even know how many centuries… It would have been a 'burden', as you so call it, that I wouldn't mine carrying because it's yours and you are– everything to me Magnus. You can't just go ahead and assume how I would react to you telling me your life."

I leaned back on the couch behind me feeling my legs begin to shake, I knew the pain would do this. The emotional kind, I've come to realize hurts twice as much as the physical. What I would trade to get the physical pain instead than this…

"Alexander–Just! If you had given me more time, I would have eventually told you everything, bit by bit."

His voice laced with frustration and sadness, he began to slow down on the pacing. His shoulders sagged as if this discussion was draining him physically as much as emotionally.

Anguish filled my every cell. There was silence for a few minutes.

"How much time are we talking about Magnus?"

He abruptly stopped pacing and faced me. His face hard as stone, clear of all and any emotions, seeing that literally ripped through another one of my heart strings, how many I still had intact I was losing count of.

Taking in a deep breath, I continued;

" 6 months… 1 year … 5 years tops?"

"Alexan"–

"NO Magnus! We both know that you would drag this on for years, always asking me to give you more and more time and sadly I can't wait for the day that you're ready because not even you know when that is. I–I– I'm not immortal like you. I don't have forever; I just have now, the present.

I had said it, I sucked in a breath, I had revealed the giant elephant in the room, well at least one of them.

Magnus is immortal and I'm not…

Magnus turned away from me; his hands gripped the bar tightly, so much so that his knuckles turned white.

For what felt like hours we said nothing at all, the only thing that could be heard was the traffic outside, the sound cars honking, tires screeching and our breathing.

Only a few minutes had passed. I watched his back; it once again became rigid.

"You're right Alec" – Alec? He never calls me that– "You're mortal I'm not with that being stated I think it's best if you leave– You should go."

Just three words.

Three syllables.

One phrase, the one phrase I had begun to hope he was opposed to as much as I was.

"Mag"–

He cut me off.

"Alec no, this is it. What you did– I'm not entirely sure I can forgive and like you stated before I will live forever, you won't. This won't work, goodbye Alec–Alexander."

I felt the last strength in my legs give way and the tightness in my chest rip at my last heartstrings and lungs. I dropped to my knees as I watched him walk away from me, not once looking back. Hearing the apartment door slam shut behind me I felt the last few breaths in me being sucked on. Blackness blurred my vision and the only thing I managed to get out before passing out from the pain that consumed me from the inside was,

"Magnus– I'm sorry…so sorry…so sorry."

"ALEXANDER! ALEC! Baby it's ok, please wake up! It's alright darling– shhh, shhh!"

A pair of arms– warm and loving wrapped the,selves tightly around me bringing me back to consciousness. I opened my eyes, finding it a bit difficult due to the dried tears on my lashes. Looking up I saw a pair of cat like eyes gazing down at me, in there depths you could see worry.

It– It had just been a dream, only a dream! Nothing more. A flashback a nightmare whatever it was it wasn't real.

Shaking my thoughts away I didn't speak, my voice lost somewhere. I hugged Magnus tightly fearing that he would disappear.

My boyfriend, the love of my life; my everything.

I buried my head into the crook of his neck not hiding the fact that I was taking in greedily his intoxicating aroma.

His hands rubbed my back softly in circular motion, calming me down and bringing my tight grip around him to loosen.

"It's ok honey, I'm right here. I haven't gone anywhere; it was just a nightmare."

Nodding I hugged him close fortifying the fact that: yes he actually was here with me in our apartment wrapped up nice in warms under our bed covers that we purchased in Egypt months ago…

Feeling a need to hear his voice, I cleared my own.

"Magnus?"

"Yes darling?" his voice gruff with sleep.

"I–I'm sorry." I whisper not looking at him.

Startled I felt him pull away from me softly and stared at me confusion written all over his face.

"Wh-What ever for?"

I looked at him, truly looked at him. Taking one hand of his I placed it on my cheek, shortly after I placed my own on his.

"For everything. For every mistake I have done that might have hurt you in one way or another. It has never been my intention to hurt you, for that I am sorry."

Rubbing my thumb over his cheekbone he grabbed my hand wit his own and placed a simple kiss on my palm.

"Alexander, there's no need– You have nothing to be sorry for, we all make mistakes, including me. I love you and I always will, don't forget that. Ever."

Blushing I lowered my hand towards his neck pulling him in closer till our lips were nothing but a breath away from one another.

"Really…?"

Smiling softly I felt his chest vibrate as he chuckled and replied, "Really."

Having nothing more to say I kissed him with everything I had. Our lips stuck to each other like glue, moving in sync to one another; holding nothing back.

We kissed for what felt like hours, everything was said through that kiss, my want for him and my love. Every single thought emotion conveyed in that one simple action, all for him and only him.

I chose to pull away and kiss his now red lips softly, both our breathing erratic. Looking into his eyes I felt my heart beat speed up, he is mine and I am his, for now… I love him so much it hurts at times but I wouldn't change that for anything.

Nothing at all.

There isn't anything more I could ask for.

"_Loving someone is giving them the power to destroy you, but trusting them not to."_

So this was a one-shot that was in my head for a while & decided to write down a few nights ago in an old notebook.

Hope you guys enjoyed it, as you can see angst I'm good at (At least I think I am)… Fluff, well I definitely need to work on it.

Don't forget to review and stuff. I would really appreciate it. 'Till next time.

MalecIsEverything


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